Episode 1: Creating a Supportive Birth Environment — Who Belongs in Your Birth Space?
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Welcome to the very first episode of The Birth Generation Podcast! 🎉 In this episode, we’re talking all about who should be in the room when you give birth — and how to confidently make those decisions.
Birth is deeply vulnerable, and your support team can directly impact your labor, your hormones, and your overall birth experience. Malorie breaks down how to choose the right people for your space, how to handle tricky family dynamics, and why it's okay to set boundaries—even with people you love.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why your birth environment impacts your labor progress
How to define what makes someone a supportive person during birth
Ways to kindly navigate difficult conversations with family or friends
Who you might want to consider inviting (partners, doulas, family, friends)
How to set clear roles and expectations for your support team
How to protect your peace if you're feeling pressured
👉 Ready to start preparing for your birth?
Grab my free Birth Basics Kickstart mini course here: -
Oh my gosh. This is our first ever episode of the birth generation podcast. I could not be more excited. I literally could not be more excited. I want to start off pretty much every episode with just a little bit about what's going on in my life, what feels exciting, what feels hard, so we can be friends. I want to be your birth bestie. I want to be I want to be friends. I want to connect with you, and I also want to teach you all about birth and how to empower yourself in your birth experience.
I'm recording this.
It is late May and summer has just begun, and I have two little boys that are no longer in school, and we are adjusting to the slowness of summer here in Houston, it is hot, H O T hot, and we are just finding our way through navigating how hot it is outside, playing indoors. My kids are finally old enough now to actually go and knock on the neighbor kid's door, to go ask to play. So that brings a whole level of vulnerability that makes me so anxious for them. Everything's fine, you know, they play great together, but it is like that feeling of letting your kids do something hard, letting them try something new, and letting them fail if failure happens, letting them have hard feelings. And wow, is it hard to not protect them from that. When they went over and knocked on the kid's door for the first time, I was a ball of nerves. I did not know how to do this. But you know what? I was just like, this is rite of passage. These kids gotta do it. And guess what? They made some new friends. And now where we're at now is they really want to play with the kids all the time. And so I had to talk to them and say, Hey, we cannot go and annoy that family every day. It was 630 in the morning and they were ready to go play. And I said, okay, they're probably still sleeping, like, can we please wait till 930 is 930 a good time? My family wakes up early. So in the summer, what do you think is a good time for the neighbor kid to come knocking ready to play in my house? I'm like, girl, get these kids out earlier, the better, but I know not every family is like mine. Anyway. Let's go ahead and get into this week's episode.
You're listening to the birth generation podcast.
In today's episode, we are going to talk all about how to create a supportive birth environment by deciding who belongs in your birth space, who's going to be in the room when your baby is born. I don't know if you know this, but birth is vulnerable your environment and the people in it deeply impact your whole experience. And I am not exaggerating when I say this, the energy in the room can shape how safe and calm and supportive that you feel, all that safety, all those feelings of calm and support, that actually affects the hormones that you need to make labor happen, oxytocin, that's the love hormone, that's what's giving you those contractions, and anything that interferes with that actually slows your labor and makes you progress less. So we really want to make sure that whoever's in our space is keeping it chill, keeping it calm, so that we can keep that oxytocin flowing and keep that labor going. Also, something that we don't think about is when you leave your birth space and you've had your baby, your birth story, it's written in stone, and there's a lot that we cannot do to influence it. Right? We know birth is unpredictable. We do what we can we make preferences, but in the end, birth is unpredictable. Now, if there's anything that we can do to actually influence how this turns out, we're gonna try to do it right, and one thing that you can do is ensuring that the people in your space are actually supporting you and keeping things nice and chill and calm and loving and happy, and here is your golden ticket. Here is I don't know who needs to hear this, but just because they're your family and they love that precious little angel that has not yet been born does not mean that they need to be there when that precious little angel is being born, they can still love them in a different room. So let's kind of define what makes someone truly a supportive person in the birth space. And this first one seems pretty basic, but. Is not always the case. This person is going to center on you, the person giving birth. They're not going to worry about themselves. They're not going to worry about their own anxieties and worries about the experience. They're not going to worry about their own personal preferences about the experience. They're going to be helping you. They're going to understand your preferences, and they're going to keep their own worries outside the door. A really great support person is going to understand that their role is to support and not to control. I see this happen a lot with moms, and they are so used to parenting their own child that even in the birth space, they have this natural urge to control and teach and guide when really the control you the the birthing person should be in the driver's seat. Now, if you're can't speak for yourself or can't advocate, that's a whole nother thing that we're going to talk about in another podcast episode and how to how to help your support people support you. But in the end of the day, the support person understands their role, right? That's really, really important. They know how to be present with you without overwhelming or overdoing it. And when I say present, I obviously mean not like being on their phone or like watching the latest sports ball game, you know, whatever they are present in that they are holding space with you. Sometimes support people can overdo it, and they're overly fluffing pillows and they're overly talking to nurses, or they're cracking jokes, or they're trying to do whatever they can to keep you comfortable, but sometimes all we really need is someone to just stand there and hold space with you make you feel like you're not alone. Okay, so it's a fine balance, and it can be discussed with your support person. And everybody has different personalities, of course, but in the end, we really just want someone who's going to be present without being overwhelming. You can love someone so deeply and still decide that they're not the right person for your birth space, and that is okay. So I will tell you that my mom and I are really good friends. We get along really well. We support each other in all kinds of different ways. But I told that lady, I said, Lady, I cannot have you up in this space right now. You she is super anxious, especially in anything to do with a hospital situation, and I knew that her energy was gonna really make it hard on me. And she was like, Yeah, girl, I get it. She was very supportive. We had a very frank conversation about it, but without hurting anybody's feelings, right? And at the end of at the end and at the end of the day, we were both really happy with that choice, and it turned out great. So if you're considering who the heck to have in your birth space, I'm going to go over some people that you might want to consider, obviously your partner or your husband or your spouse, or the baby daddy, or whoever, that person's obviously going to be number one, definitely, especially if this is your partner, your lover, that could be really, really grounding for you. Having the two people that is going to parent this child in the birth space can be really cool because you both have shared interest and love for that baby, and y'all working together, it could be a really beautiful thing. Now, one thing you need to talk about before you go into labor is, is this person feeling ready to support me the way that I need to be supported? And if not, how can we prepare them? I'll tell you right now. One great way to do that is through childbirth education. If you need a place to get started with childbirth education, go to the show notes page. Start the birth basics. Kickstart. Course, it is free and it's going to get you started on the right path for that childbirth education for both you and for your partner. Okay, now we know your partner is probably going to be there if you have one, the next person you really might want to consider having is a birth doula. There are lots of different types of doulas. For this podcast episode, I'm going to be talking specifically about birth doulas. What the hell is a birth doula? Okay? It is a non clinical, continuous care provider. So when I mean non clinic, non clinical, they don't do medical stuff, they don't offer medical advice, they don't do medical procedures, anything like that. And when I say continuous support provider, I mean they don't leave you in labor if, let's say you're giving birth in a hospital or even in a birth center or even at home, really your midwife, your nurse, your OB GYN, they are going to be in and out of the room. They're not going to be with you the whole time. Your birth doula will be able to give you that continuity. They're going to be able to see the whole picture and help you navigate what is a good move. What is a good position or comfort measure or what are the things that I need? A birth doula is going to help you with informational support during your pregnancy and during your labor and during your postpartum experience. They're going to be able to give you information about common tests and procedures and interventions and all those type of things. They're going to help you advocate. You're also going to your birth doula also is great for emotional support if you're just really struggling in pregnancy, if you're really struggling throughout your labor experience, your birth doula is going to be there to support you in that. Also, they are great physical support. They have a keen awareness and knowledge of the birth process, and they're able to notice what's happening in your labor and make suggestions on how to make it go smoother. Also, they're really great to support partners too. Birth doulas have a really great understanding of how a partner can affect the birthers experience. And a birth doula. A good birth doula will usually want to support the whole family. There are lots of different types of birth doulas. So if you are curious about one, a great resource is doula match.net. You can kind of search through see who has availability for your due date. Always interview multiple doulas. There are different types. You know, there's different types of birth doulas. I mean, like different styles. There are the really crunchy ones that are really great with, like holistic and nutrition. There are the motherly, nurturing ones that are older and bring that maternal energy into the space. There are the ones that are like the Bulldog, and they're ready to advocate, no matter what, for their client. Really great with medical staff and that kind of thing. It's really about interviewing a couple different ones and seeing who you vibe with. It's really important because you are going to be inviting them into your birth space. And we talked about before, they need to be with it, right? They need to be able to bring that calm energy for you. So very personal hire there,
if a doula is not in your budget, or for some reason, you live in an area where there's not a lot of doulas, or you just don't want one, you could consider family and friends, but think carefully who calms you and who stresses you the F out, like I have lots of girl cousins in my family, and one of my girl cousins had a baby, kind of young, and all of us cousins were there, and it was really awesome. But later on, like 10 years later, whenever I had my baby, I was like, There's no way my girl cousins are going to be there. It would be so chaotic. Also, like your friends, we have some friends that are the ones that are like, I'm gonna support you no matter what. And then we have some that are like, I'm gonna support you no matter what, but peace out, I cannot be at your birth. So think carefully about your friends and your family that you want to be there. A really another really common one are your siblings, your mom, your mother in law. A lot of times, especially the mom and mother in law, they want to be there. They want to be in that space. And sometimes they default and think that that's what you want to a lot of times that's not the case. And so I'm giving you permission now to not invite them to your birth if that conversation feels hard, if your mother in law, or your mom is feeling left out or hurt, or you're dealing with some feelings surrounding them not being in the birth space, I just want to validate that for you, a lot of people struggle with that a lot, a lot, because when they were having their babies, You know, 30 years ago, whatever. It was pretty normal to have the mom in the room too. It was pretty normal to have several different people. Nowadays. It's less normal. It really is. I'm not gonna lie. As a birth doula, I have seen very few mothers in the room at the time of birth, like almost none. So but if your mom's like your person, obviously have them there. But consider, is your mom gonna stress you out, or is she gonna be supportive? Does she need training? Do you need to train this lady on what you need in birth? Because she likely has not given birth in the recent past? So sometimes you need a little bit of a reminder about how you want to be doing things. Okay. It can be really hard for parents to not parent you at your birth. Parents are always going to parent it just is what it is, okay. And obviously the last type of support people are your medical team. I'm not going to go into too much detail here because I really want to save that for another podcast episode on choosing your medical care team and who's going to be the right fit for you, but that looks like your nurses, your doctor, your obstetrician, obviously, your midwife, midwife assistants, any of the medical care providers that are going to be in your birth space. Okay, so making sure that there are. Mind and a good fit for you is really important. Again. I'm going to talk about that in another podcast episode, so I'm going to zip up right there on that. No, okay, so let's say you have an idea of who you want to be in your space. What questions can you ask yourself when you're actually choosing who's going to be there, who helps you feel safe when things get hard, who's the person you call when you're sick? Who is the person that kind of calms you down? Who's that person? Is the person that you're considering having at your birth able to stay calm under pressure, if something weird goes down at your birth experience, are they going to be cool, or are they going to be panicking. We don't need you having to caretake for your support person.
This next one is super important.
Is your support person going to honor your preferences, even if they would do things differently, if your mom or your mother in law, is like, you really need to get that epidural, girl, but you're like, I'm trying to go unmedicated here, that might not be the best energy to bring into your birth space, even if they would do things differently, they need to be able to support you the way you want it. And that leads me to do they trust you to make decisions about your body and your baby. I said just a minute ago that a lot of parents like to parent their children when they're in labor. It is just a natural thing if your parent is trying to make decisions for you in your birth space. It's probably not a great person to have in your birth space, they need to trust you to make decisions for yourself and for your baby. That means they need to be capable of stepping back and letting you and your partner lead now that you have picked out who's going to be in your birth space. Awesome. You know who you want to be there. The next thing you want to do is communicate the expectations with those support people. You might need to set some boundaries and be kind of firm about it. You don't have to be mean or rude, but practicing setting those boundaries now is actually really gonna serve you when you go into parenting, especially if this is your first baby, and even more, especially if this is your first grand baby, your parents first grandbaby, or maybe your partner's first grandbaby, setting boundaries is going to naturally need to happen, and practicing now is great. You will want to have those conversations. They might feel challenging, but you can do it. I believe in you creating a birth preferences sheet and walking through it with your support people is really going to help you, because that way, they understand what you want and they can better advocate for you and help you have the experience that you want as best to their ability. If you're unsure on how to start this conversation with your support people, it's really as simple as saying, Hey, I'm so excited for you to be there on our big, special day. Here is what I'd love for you to do while I'm in labor, and give them a role, give them a job, help them understand what your vision for their support is going to be. Now, what do you do if you are feeling pressured to have someone you'd prefer not to have in your birth space present at your birth I'm telling you right now. Again, it is okay to say no to someone being in the room, even if it is last minute. Honestly, you can literally write out a script and read it word for word if you have to. You don't owe anyone access to your baby's birth. You really, really don't I understand if you feel worried that it's going to make things awkward or weird, but at the end of the day, this is your birth experience, and you have to be the one to do it. You are the one going through it. So you have to do what's best for you, and you have to do what's going to be best for that birth experience. You can also ask your doula or your nurse, if you're having a hospital birth, to kind of play bouncer at the door. It could be as simple as you telling your doula or your nurse, hey, I really don't want anyone in the room besides me and my partner and the nurse. Can probably make up some story, like, we have a policy that they can't come in, or your birth doula can go and tell them, hey, now's not a really good time. Why don't you go wait in this area, and I will communicate with you. And all of this can take place without you even knowing. So if you really are struggling to say no to someone, just let someone else. Say no to them for you. Okay, I just want to end this first podcast episode with some words of encouragement. You deserve to feel safe, supported and centered. This is your birth. Curating the right team is an act of power. Is an act of self respect, it honestly is just gonna keep things a lot more chill for you. And who the hell doesn't want a chill birth experience? If you are ready to dive into birth learning, go ahead and start with the birth basics. Kick Start. It is fully free. The link is in the show notes. I teach this class, this course, it is great for birthers. It's great for their partners. It is really short and quick because I know you are busy. I know you are, and I think you're gonna really like this course. I'm excited to share it with you and see what you think about it. Sending you all the love. Totally rooting for you. Bye for now.
